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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi

Book Three is coming out very soon an I'm puttering about with the blurb. Every sentence is crucial to the book, but I'm too close to the story now.
Is this speaking only to those who've read book 1 and 2? Is it giving away too much? Too vague. Too meh? Too long?

Captain Nova Whiteside finally receives an experimental neural implant to expand her interface capabilities. Of course the Union's rebel enemies would also like a copy of the new device. And so Nova finds herself aboard a rebel ship where her value as hostage isn't nearly as great as her value as a defector.

Tychon, her Vanguard partner, sets out to find her somewhere in the vast emptiness of space. Unable to rely on support from Air Command, he has little choice but to team up with a rather motley alliance of people from a part of Nova's past that everyone but him seems to know about.

When the full consequences of the rebels' ambitions become clear, far removed from the intervention of Air Command, Tychon and Nova are forced to consider the unthinkable.
 
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If I were a potential new reader I'd like a hint of what 'interface' refers to so I can get a better sense of what the unthinkable choice might be.
 

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Is it meant to stand alone?

If so, you are probably relying too much on your first two. If it's meant to work as part of that series, I suspect you'll be fine with that.

Genericize it a bit more if it's meant to stand alone, is essentially what my advice would be.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Gotcha

An experimental neural implant is sure to add a whole new range of capabilities for Air Command pilots and Captain Nova Whiteside is approved for the trials. Enemy forces conspire to obtain a copy of the new device and Nova finds herself aboard a rebel ship where her value as hostage isn't nearly as great as her value as a defector.

Tychon, her Vanguard partner, sets out to find her somewhere in the vast emptiness of space. Unable to rely on support from Air Command, he has little choice but to team up with a rather motley alliance of people from a part of Nova's past that everyone but him seems to know about.

When the full consequences of the rebels' ambitions become clear, far removed from the intervention of Air Command, Tychon and Nova are forced to consider the unthinkable.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Mathew Reuther said:
Seems an improvement because it's less specific to the previous works.

Not 100% on the unthinkable part because I'm not sure what it is. But maybe I'm not meant to know.
You're not, because they (and the reader) are being duped until they run head-first into the climactic dilemma. Right up there with kicking puppies. ;D

However, if this is cheap, as teasers go, I might have to rethink that last phrase.
 
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I did like how it was clearer in the first version that she already has the implant. In the second, without reading the first version I'm not completely sure if she has the implant and they're trying to make her help them with it, or if she's just been approved for a trial and they're trying to convince her while she's a hostage to defect and then come back with it to their side.
 
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