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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Two prostitutes vanish.

Chimps are mysteriously missing from a primate sign lab. Is there a possible link to a biomedical research facility?

While premed student Alex Buchanan confronts her new-found ability to communicate telepathically with animals, the body toll mounts.

When her boyfriend disappears with a dangerous secret, Alex knows a serial killer is stalking her.

Can she solve this dilemma before becoming the next victim?

I've been using this blurb since the beginning, but feel it's time to try and get something with more pull.
Any ideas folks?
Ann
 

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P.A. Woodburn said:
Two prostitutes vanish.

Chimps are mysteriously missing from a primate sign lab. Is there a possible link to a biomedical research facility?

While premed student Alex Buchanan confronts her new-found ability to communicate telepathically with animals, the body toll mounts.

When her boyfriend disappears with a dangerous secret, Alex knows a serial killer is stalking her.

Can she solve this dilemma before becoming the next victim?

I've been using this blurb since the beginning, but feel it's time to try and get something with more pull.
Any ideas folks?
Ann
There are a lot of disconnects I noticed. Two prostitutes vanish, then chimps are missing? So chimp prostitutes or what? How are those two sentences linked? "Is there a link to a reserach facility?" I don't really care yet about the missing chimps so I don't care if there's a link. Don't ask the question, give the facts and let the reader wonder. Does Alex's new telepathic ability allow her to kill animals? or why else is body toll mounting? If the ideas are not connected, then why join them with a comma? Same with the next sentence. The boyfriend disappearing is how she knows a killer is after her? What dilemma is she solving?

Asking the reader questions just serves to confuse, not intruige.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Is this any better?

Few notice when two prostitutes vanish.
Several chimps disappear from a nearby primate language facility, and the lab staff are afraid to talk about what may have happened to the chimps.
Premed student, Alex Buchanan, has a serious accident and is shocked to discover that she now has the ability to communicate, telepathically with animals.
Meanwhile, the human body toll mounts. The deceased had connections to the chimp laboratory.
Alex falls in love, but her boyfriend is snatched away with a dangerous secret. She is certain that a serial killer is stalking her.
Alex works hard to discover what happened to the prostitutes, chimps and her boyfriend.
Will she be able to track down the kiler before becoming the next victim?
 

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P.A. Woodburn said:
Is this any better?

Few notice when two prostitutes vanish.
Several chimps disappear from a nearby primate language facility, and the lab staff are afraid to talk about what may have happened to the chimps.
Premed student, Alex Buchanan, has a serious accident and is shocked to discover that she now has the ability to communicate, telepathically with animals.
Meanwhile, the human body toll mounts. The deceased had connections to the chimp laboratory.
Alex falls in love, but her boyfriend is snatched away with a dangerous secret. She is certain that a serial killer is stalking her.
Alex works hard to discover what happened to the prostitutes, chimps and her boyfriend.
Will she be able to track down the kiler before becoming the next victim?
I still don't get the prostitutes. And why are the lab staff afraid to talk about the missing chimps?

Start with Alex who has an accident and discovers this telepathic ability (when on a visit to the facility when one of the chimps "tells" her something about their missing comrade). So what does Alex have to do? What motivates her? What is stopping her achieving her goal and what are the stakes?
 

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RedAdept said:
When a serious accident gives Alex Buchanan the ability to telepathically communicate with animals, she uncovers a conspiracy involving missing chimpanzees and murder.

*****

Something like this to start.
Nice. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Another attempt:

When a serious accident gives Alex Buchanan the ability to telepathically communicate with animals, she experiences the dark, enraged mood of a chimpanzee as he attacks her friend.
When the body toll mounts, it becomes apparent that all of the dead had connections to the chimp laboratory.
Alex falls in love, but her boyfriend is snatched away with a dangerous secret. She is certain that a serial killer is stalking her.
Alex works tirelessly to discover why everyone is dying.
Will she be able to track down the killer before becoming the next victim?

Thanks to all for your assistance.
 
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