Kindle Forum banner
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
554 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have rewritten this a few times and I'm still not happy with it. It is the Amazon sales copy for my indie fiction magazine called eFiction. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

"What is so special about this magazine?"

That is what 99% of people who stumble onto this page are thinking. eFiction is different than every other fiction magazine in the world. Every other magazine is exclusive, eFiction is inclusive. When other magazines reject manuscripts with standard form letters, eFiction encourages writers to join the group and work together to get their work up to spec for publication. This makes the magazine better than any other in the world.

We are the only indie fiction magazine in existence. There are many literary journals and fiction magazines, but no indie fiction magazines. We are pushing the boundaries of a new genre.

Try eFiction for 14 days free. If you don't like our stories, no big deal-just cancel your subscription and you won't be charged a penny.

Ever feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to read? Stories in eFiction are your escape route from the monotony of the daily grind.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
436 Posts
Hi Doug,

The unique benefit of your magazine (inclusiveness) doesn't appear until the fourth sentence of the sales copy.  IMO three sentences is way too long to spend building up to the unique benefit unless the first of those sentences is a killer hook.

Perhaps you could try an approach that starts right out the gate explaining what an indie fiction magazine is and emphasizing the fourteen-day free trial?

(As an aside, it's dangerous from a marketing standpoint to make claims like "We are the only indie fiction magazine in existence" and "This makes the magazine better than any other in the world."  Readers will automatically think of exceptions and counterexamples, and may begin to doubt your credibility.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
554 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Nancy Fulda said:
Hi Doug,

The unique benefit of your magazine (inclusiveness) doesn't appear until the fourth sentence of the sales copy. IMO three sentences is way too long to spend building up to the unique benefit unless the first of those sentences is a killer hook.

Perhaps you could try an approach that starts right out the gate explaining what an indie fiction magazine is and emphasizing the fourteen-day free trial?

(As an aside, it's dangerous from a marketing standpoint to make claims like "We are the only indie fiction magazine in existence" and "This makes the magazine better than any other in the world." Readers will automatically think of exceptions and counterexamples, and may begin to doubt your credibility.)
Thanks for the feedback Nancy!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
54 Posts
I can offer you a few thoughts for consideration. First, Nancy's aside notes one thing that struck me immediately upon reading. Second, there were a lot of words, but I didn't really feel like there was much specificity about what this magazine had to offer, or what sets it apart, or what kind of content it contained. Third, it wasn't clear to me who the target audience is. Writers? Readers? Some sentences sounded like the former, other sentences the latter. Fourth, I think the money-back guarantee is beneficial.

Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
554 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Quillhill said:
I can offer you a few thoughts for consideration. First, Nancy's aside notes one thing that struck me immediately upon reading. Second, there were a lot of words, but I didn't really feel like there was much specificity about what this magazine had to offer, or what sets it apart, or what kind of content it contained. Third, it wasn't clear to me who the target audience is. Writers? Readers? Some sentences sounded like the former, other sentences the latter. Fourth, I think the money-back guarantee is beneficial.

Good luck.
Great advice. I appreciate the input. You think the money-back guarantee should be more prominent?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
47 Posts
Here's a quick re-write. It's not perfect, but, hopefully, will give you an idea of how to change it up:

Ever feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to read? Stories in eFiction are your escape route from the monotony of the daily grind.

The publishing world is changing. More than ever before, it is easier for writers to share their work. The problem is, as someone who loves fiction and has so much too choose from, eFiction finds the best, unknown fiction writers and brings them to you every month.

While there are many literary journals and fiction magazines, we are the only indie fiction magazine in existence. We are pushing the boundaries of a new genre.

The stories we publish include:

-
-
-
-

Try eFiction for 14 days free. If you don't like our stories, no big deal-just cancel your subscription and you won't be charged a penny.


You have to think in terms of what will catch the attention of the reader. Referring to how special your ezine is, isn't going to be enough to convince them to buy nor is telling them you publish stories that have been rejected by other publishers.

With something like this, there are two benefits that can be sold 1) it saves the reader time so they don't have to go hunting for new fiction themselves (you have done the work for them) or 2) what you have to offer is so exclusive they can't find it anywhere else. Think of those two points when rewriting the copy.

Also, as I put in the rewrite, add bullet points detailing what you are going to offer. People skim text, but often read bullet points.

Hope this helps.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
554 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Wendy Jenae said:
Here's a quick re-write. It's not perfect, but, hopefully, will give you an idea of how to change it up:

Ever feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to read? Stories in eFiction are your escape route from the monotony of the daily grind.

The publishing world is changing. More than ever before, it is easier for writers to share their work. The problem is, as someone who loves fiction and has so much too choose from, eFiction finds the best, unknown fiction writers and brings them to you every month.

While there are many literary journals and fiction magazines, we are the only indie fiction magazine in existence. We are pushing the boundaries of a new genre.

The stories we publish include:

-
-
-
-

Try eFiction for 14 days free. If you don't like our stories, no big deal-just cancel your subscription and you won't be charged a penny.


You have to think in terms of what will catch the attention of the reader. Referring to how special your ezine is, isn't going to be enough to convince them to buy nor is telling them you publish stories that have been rejected by other publishers.

With something like this, there are two benefits that can be sold 1) it saves the reader time so they don't have to go hunting for new fiction themselves (you have done the work for them) or 2) what you have to offer is so exclusive they can't find it anywhere else. Think of those two points when rewriting the copy.

Also, as I put in the rewrite, add bullet points detailing what you are going to offer. People skim text, but often read bullet points.

Hope this helps.
That does help--a lot. Thank you so much!
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top