[deedawning]

I'm Back. Not quite two weeks ago, I started this thread for a 324 word sample I had for translating one of my short stories to Spanish, through Babelcube. Well now I have the next phase, the first ten pages (approx 3000 words) and need an opinion on it. Any takers? I should warn you the title of the book is Sleeping with the Band and that's what the story is about. Yes, it's erotica, but it's not seedy, plus the real action doesn't start until the second half of the story. If you're interested I'll give you the ten page translation plus the entire Kindle version in case you're curious about the ending, which is quite good, if I do say so myself

http://www.amazon.com/SLEEPING-BAND-Fantasies-Dee-Dawning-ebook/dp/B004X27RZ2/

ORIGINAL THREAD
Hi, I got an offer through Babelcube to translate a sexy 9000 word short story of mine into Spanish. Unfortunately my Spanish is limited to food items, por favor, donata, gracias and si.

I was given a short sample translation of some eleven paragraphs (324 words) to check the translator's work. Does anyone here know enough Spanish to tell me if this woman knows what she's doing?

 

[KerryT2012]

Hi, I do... when do you want it back?

 

[deedawning]

Hi, I do... when do you want it back?

Some time today would be nice, I'd post it here on KBoards, but it has two R-rated words in it.

 

[dotx]

I can do it too. Just send me a PM.

 

[J_Wat]

I'd be happy to take a look as well.

 

[deedawning]

Done, Thanks both of you.

 

[J_Wat]

Deedawning, I'm going to post this here rather than in a direct message so that it might be useful for other members.

Overall I was surprised at the quality of the translation; there are parts where the translation is literal rather than matching the spirit of what you wrote, which makes it a little clunky, but a native speaker would be able to read this easily without getting thrown out of the story. The biggest error I saw was Dick translated as a name. 

HOWEVER--and for me this would be nearly a deal breaker--nearly all of the accents are missing in the text. If I remember correctly I only saw two accents in the entire thing, when there are many, many more needed. This means, essentially, that the text is full of misspelled words. A Spanish speaker can read it and understand it immediately, but as I read it I became more and more annoyed with all the missing accents. That may not be the first thing on the mind of your readers, but if you're paying for translation, you shouldn't have to pay extra to have it written correctly. Good luck!

 

[KerryT2012]

Sorry, just came back from a long meeting. I can see that you have a lot of offers

 

[deedawning]

Deedawning, I'm going to post this here rather than in a direct message so that it might be useful for other members.

Overall I was surprised at the quality of the translation; there are parts where the translation is literal rather than matching the spirit of what you wrote, which makes it a little clunky, but a native speaker would be able to read this easily without getting thrown out of the story. The biggest error I saw was Dick translated as a name.

HOWEVER--and for me this would be nearly a deal breaker--nearly all of the accents are missing in the text. If I remember correctly I only saw two accents in the entire thing, when there are many, many more needed. This means, essentially, that the text is full of misspelled words. A Spanish speaker can read it and understand it immediately, but as I read it I became more and more annoyed with all the missing accents. That may not be the first thing on the mind of your readers, but if you're paying for translation, you shouldn't have to pay extra to have it written correctly. Good luck!

Hi J, Much thanks. Do you think that could be due to lack of a proper keyboard?

 

[dotx]

Yep, all the accents are missing. So are the "ñ" in words like "baño" (toilet, bathroom). And the quotation marks at the beginning of a sentence are all inverted. Should be ¿ but the translator just used ? so it looks really weird.

Finally, conversations in Spanish are not marked with quotations but with a -

So
"Hi, I'm Carol"
...becomes...
- Hola, soy Carol

But the translator just used the same English language quotation marks in the Spanish version and it looks very weird. If you are used to reading in English, you'll get it. Otherwise, it's confusing.

 

[deedawning]

Yep, all the accents are missing. So are the "n" in words like "bano" (toilet, bathroom). And the quotation marks at the beginning of a sentence are all inverted. Should be ? but the translator just used ? so it looks really weird.

Finally, conversations in Spanish are not marked with quotations but with a -

So
"Hi, I'm Carol"
...becomes...
- Hola, soy Carol

But the translator just used the same English language quotation marks in the Spanish version and it looks very weird. If you are used to reading in English, you'll get it. Otherwise, it's confusing.

Boy am I glad I talked with you guys. I wish I'd done that in previous books. Thanks Dotx

 

[dotx]

Sorry, just realized Kboards automatically corrected two things from my post.

Here's what the question marks should look like in Spanish:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7d/Question_opening-closing.svg/150px-Question_opening-closing.svg.png (but she used the same one at the beginning and end of the sentence instead)

and the n letter in "bano" should look like this (but it doesn't)
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ba%C3%B1o

 

[Salvador Mercer]

Sorry, just realized Kboards automatically corrected two things from my post.

Here's what the question marks should look like in Spanish:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7d/Question_opening-closing.svg/150px-Question_opening-closing.svg.png (but she used the same one at the beginning and end of the sentence instead)

and the n letter in "bano" should look like this (but it doesn't)
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ba%C3%B1o

Hola!

The diacritical mark above the N is called a "Tilde" and is used for palatalization of a noun when spoken. (such as the NY in the English word 'Canyon').

I also agree with this poster that the punctuation should be done properly to read correctly for a native speaker. I am also fluent in Russian and I would never allow a work of mine to be translated using 'translit' instead of Cyrillic characters even if sometimes the native speakers are forced to use it when using an 'English' keyboard. The same rule should apply to Spanish and the richness of its vocabulary and alphabet.

I came late to the party otherwise I would have offered to help as well.
Best of luck! Buena Suerte!
SM

 

[deedawning]

Sorry, just realized Kboards automatically corrected two things from my post.

Here's what the question marks should look like in Spanish:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7d/Question_opening-closing.svg/150px-Question_opening-closing.svg.png (but she used the same one at the beginning and end of the sentence instead)

and the n letter in "bano" should look like this (but it doesn't)
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ba%C3%B1o

Yeah, I just looked over the sample text and the accents are there. I did a cut and paste within my computer on Word and nothing was lost so it had to be something at KBoards. I could attach the sample to an email if you want to see the original sample or at this point I feel somewhat more confortable.

 

[Lara Reznik23]

Hi, I got an offer through Babelcube to translate a sexy 9000 word short story of mine into Spanish. Unfortunately my Spanish is limited to food items, por favor, donata, gracias and si.

I was given a short sample translation of some eleven paragraphs (324 words) to check the translator's work. Does anyone here know enough Spanish to tell me if this woman knows what she's doing?

I realize that you have already had two writers review the Spanish translation, but if you'd like another pair of eyes to take a look, I'd be happy to give you my feedback. There is so much that can be lost in translation if it is not done properly.

 

[deedawning]

I realize that you have already had two writers review the Spanish translation, but if you'd like another pair of eyes to take a look, I'd be happy to give you my feedback. There is so much that can be lost in translation if it is not done properly.

I would like that, however when I pasted the translation on the private message board it lost a lot of the accents etc. Could you give me your email address in a private message? I'll send the sample to you as an attachment.

 

[dotx]

Yeah, I just looked over the sample text and the accents are there. I did a cut and paste within my computer on Word and nothing was lost so it had to be something at KBoards. I could attach the sample to an email if you want to see the original sample or at this point I feel somewhat more confortable.

Sent you a PM

 

[Lara Reznik23]

I would like that, however when I pasted the translation on the private message board it lost a lot of the accents etc. Could you give me your email address in a private message? I'll send the sample to you as an attachment.

They translate "clunky shoes" to "zapatos gastados" which actually means worn out shoes.

"Tiny bathroom" is translated to "diminuto baño" and should be reversed to "baño diminuto".

"They were invited to a couple [of] parties" in your second paragraph.

The translation works, I think it gets your story across to the reader, but it may not be as colloquial as you intended it to be. This is an important element for you to work out with your translator.

Best of luck.

 

[deedawning]

They translate "clunky shoes" to "zapatos gastados" which actually means worn out shoes.

"Tiny bathroom" is translated to "diminuto bano" and should be reversed to "bano diminuto".

"They were invited to a couple [of] parties" in your second paragraph.

The translation works, I think it gets your story across to the reader, but it may not be as colloquial as you intended it to be. This is an important element for you to work out with your translator.

Best of luck.

Yes and the sixties with the hippies, free love, LSD and Vietnam was quite colloquial.