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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm preparing the cover of Thaloc has a Body for print, and I'm working on the back-cover blurb. Would you all be willing to help me make it better? Thaloc Has a Body is a paranormal mystery/thriller, with a twist of a romance.

The Truth returns to torment our favorite Psychic Detective, Brodie Wade. This time, it warns him of his own death by way of a children's sing-song taunt. According to the taunt, in three days he will be married, and then he dies. But before he can solve that riddle, everything comes undone. Detective Phil Dawson brings Brodie a set of three impossible cases, and Officer Jamie Stanford blindsides Brodie with a date... the first in his life. The Truth seems to derail everything, warning Brodie of the existence of a creature named Thaloc, describing how someone wants to kill Detective Dawson, but the message is - as always - too scrambled to decipher. The message needs to be seen from the proper perspective to unravel.

Can Brodie save his best friend before his own clock runs out?
Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.
 

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Jerry, I'll be the first to say that I SUCK at blurbs (I can never get them right) so feel free to ignore my opinions.

The Truth returns to torment our favorite Psychic Detective, Brodie Wade. This time, it warns him of his own death by way of a children's sing-song taunt. According to the taunt, in three days he will be married, and then he dies. This part grabbed my attention. But then the rest of the blurb felt like there was too much happening. It think it needs a little bit of simplifying.

My suggestion...introduce the protagonist, then his/her situation, and then close off with his/her danger/dilemma.

eg. George works as a lowly clerk at a bank, one day a woman approaches him with a proposition, should George take her offer, which can not only change his life but also put him in danger? or should George ignore her but knows he will neve get another opportunity like this ever again? (this is just an example)

Sorry, I couldn't be much help.
 

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Here's my try:

The Truth returns to torment Psychic Detective Brodie Wade, this time warning him of his own death: in three days he will be married, then he dies. But before he can solve that riddle, Detective Phil Dawson brings Brodie a set of three impossible cases, and Officer Jamie Stanford blindsides Brodie with a date... the first in his life. The Truth seems intent on derailing everything, also warning Brodie of the existence of a creature named Thaloc intent on killing Detective Dawson. The message is - as always - too scrambled to decipher and needs to be seen from the proper perspective to be unravelled.

Can Brodie save his best friend before his own clock runs out?


All I can say is, I'm intrigued!! *thumbs up*
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Ladyeclectic said:
The Truth returns to torment Psychic Detective Brodie Wade, this time to warn him of his own death: in three days he will be married, then he dies. But before he can solve that riddle, Detective Phil Dawson brings Brodie a set of three impossible cases, and Officer Jamie Stanford blindsides Brodie with a date... the first in his life. The Truth seems intent on derailing everything, also warning Brodie of the existence of a creature named Thaloc intent on killing Detective Dawson. The message is - as always - too scrambled to decipher and needs to be seen from the proper perspective to be unravelled.
Ooooh. I like that. Much cleaner than my version, and still 100% true to the plot.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'm trying to pull it all together for a July 30th release. I've already promised the facebook fans that date, but I'm realizing I may have bit off more than I can chew. Still trying to get some blogs lined up for a media blitz for that weekend.
 

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The Truth returns to torment Psychic Detective Brodie Wade, this time warning him of his own death: in three days he will marry, then die.

Before he can solve the riddle, he's saddled with a set of three impossible cases and the offer of a date... the first in his life.

The Truth seems intent on derailing everything when it delivers another warning: A creature named Thaloc is intent on killing his best friend.

The messages are, as always, difficult to decipher. Brodie must learn to see them from the proper perspective before he can unravel them.

Can Brodie save his best friend before his own clock runs out?

 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Ladyeclectic said:
Best of luck on the new book! What blogs are you coordinating with? :)
Right now, I'm coordinating with anyone that will do swaps, etc. =) Which isn't very many. Thus the woes of being a broke writer. If you know of anyone, I would be glad to talk with them. So far, it's mainly me promoting my own work, doing giveaways, hosting GoodReads events, facebook events, etc., and word of mouth from existing fans.

RedAdept said:
The Truth returns to torment Psychic Detective Brodie Wade, this time warning him of his own death: in three days he will marry, then die.

Before he can solve the riddle, he's saddled with a set of three impossible cases and the offer of a date... the first in his life.

The Truth seems intent on derailing everything when it delivers another warning: A creature named Thaloc is intent on killing his best friend.

The messages are, as always, difficult to decipher. Brodie must learn to see them from the proper perspective before he can unravel them.

Can Brodie save his best friend before his own clock runs out?
Thanks for the input, Red. As always, your editing has trimmed it down to the guts. But since Phil and Jamie are so integral to the story, wouldn't it be good to keep them (at some level) in the blurb? That way, when I say "Can Brodie save his best friend", people will know which friend I am referring to?? Or is that just me being too-stuck on my characters again?
 

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As someone who hasn't read the books, and thus doesn't know your characters, I like Red's edit -- I think the guts are usually the best hook. (...Ew.) Everything else is clutter that doesn't have any meaning for me, since I haven't read the book yet.

Editing is so, so hard. I was looking at my own stuff this morning, and I knew probably a third of the words had to go, and I just couldn't figure it out. Or rather, couldn't make myself do it. Wasted the whole morning with my finger over the delete key. My darlings survived another day, but, dammit, their days are numbered!

jhanel said:
Right now, I'm coordinating with anyone that will do swaps, etc. =) Which isn't very many. Thus the woes of being a broke writer. If you know of anyone, I would be glad to talk with them. So far, it's mainly me promoting my own work, doing giveaways, hosting GoodReads events, facebook events, etc., and word of mouth from existing fans.

Thanks for the input, Red. As always, your editing has trimmed it down to the guts. But since Phil and Jamie are so integral to the story, wouldn't it be good to keep them (at some level) in the blurb? That way, when I say "Can Brodie save his best friend", people will know which friend I am referring to?? Or is that just me being too-stuck on my characters again?
 

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Good one, Glenn. Made me chuckle.

Here's my quick hack at it:

The Truth returns to torment Psychic Detective Brodie Wade. In three days he will be married, and he will die.

His best friend, Detective Phil Dawson, brings Brodie a set of three impossible cases, and Officer Jamie Stanford blindsides Brodie with a date... the first in his life. Meanwhile, The Truth has a new warning. Someone wants to kill Detective Dawson.

Who is behind a string of brutal crimes? [I don't know what the three impossible cases involve, so this is vague] Who - or what - is Thaloc? What should a psychic detective wear on a first date?

Can Brodie save his best friend before his own clock runs out?

Definitely lose this part: "The message needs to be seen from the proper perspective to unravel."
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Glenn Bullion said:
Here is my blurb, Glenn style:

Brodie Wade is back. He whips a lot of #@!, takes a few names in the process. And he might finally get lucky.

Brodie Wade. 'Nuff said.
HAHA!! I don't know if he'd take any names, though. (sarcasm)

Thanks, Glenn. I needed a laugh today. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
genevieveaclark said:
Btw, I am like 99% sure this has been said, but whatevs: dude, your covers are fantastic.
:) Thanks. I'm glad that people like them. It has helped sales a little.

My only problem is that I've gone through several revisions for DHAN, so I am almost afraid that DHAN has no "recognition" power. I'm almost starting all over with it. I rushed into publishing DHAN before I solidified the cover art and editor... two mistakes I made with DHAN that I will never make again. =) Thaloc is going to be considerably more "polished" before I release it into the wild.
 

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jhanel said:
:) Thanks. I'm glad that people like them. It has helped sales a little.

My only problem is that I've gone through several revisions for DHAN, so I am almost afraid that DHAN has no "recognition" power. I'm almost starting all over with it. I rushed into publishing DHAN before I solidified the cover art and editor... two mistakes I made with DHAN that I will never make again. =) Thaloc is going to be considerably more "polished" before I release it into the wild.
I know the feeling. I feel like Demonspawn has suffered because I went through two covers, a few blurbs, etc. I'm trying not to tweak it now. It's done, cover stays, etc.

On the opposite end, like you said, Dead Living was much more polished upon release. Solid cover, blurb, etc. It's doing okay so far.

I will say this, my blurb was obviously a joke, but there was a point in there. Brodie Wade is bad-ass character that you can easily built a franchise around. I've read the first book and two samples I've come across for the next. Like I told JL Bryan once, I'm jealous.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Franchise??? Brodie?! I had a very specific three novels in mind when I started. I've deviated a little from that, but not far.

I'm probably ruining the ending, so I'm going to give a spoiler alert before talking about the third novel:
Brodie is released permanently from the grips of The Truth in the third installment. He looses his third sight, but gains a family and close friendships... things he's never experienced before in his life.

Do you think I'm making a mistake there? I just don't want to drag the story line out so long that people get bored.
 

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genevieveaclark said:
You can always throw another insane challenge at him, and then he has to face it under totally new circumstances. Doesn't sound like the end so much as a reboot. Do it!
I agree with this. Whatever changes he goes through can serve to move the story in a whole new direction. Beloved characters have died and continued on - Jim Butcher's character Harry Dresden springs to mind. :) Nothing is an end, only a new beginning.

Of course, there's always a real fear in taking a series too far past it's shelf-life and souring it for readers, so know when to pull the plug. ;)
 
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