I think I might love you! But then I got that image with the unicorn floaties in my head...and well, no - I still love you!
The 2013 Author Weight Gain Thread!
As the new year gets underway, the temptation to detest ourselves once again rises and, as if timed to some cosmic tide of self loathing, guilt washes up and tries to drown the peace we had finally made with ourselves somewhere around the end of July last year—especially after that 4th of July pool-party where we were so self-conscious we didn’t even have fun until the seventh beer, the point at which it nearly got us and that poor five-year-old with the unicorn floaties drowned. Man those floaties were cool with the little horns and stuff, and I … we were sure that kid would be fine while we tried them out. But, of course, I’m speaking generally right now.
So, for those of you who would rather just skip the first six months of this year’s going to the gym and eating gravel and tree bark while watching your friends jam Cheesecake Factory and all the booze they can drink into their faces … just DON’T do it. Don’t fall for it again this year.
Instead, set yourself free. Be happy. Embrace yourself—assuming you can fit your arms around you, obviously, but if not, just, you know, take a stab at it anyway and try to find a place to hold yourself that doesn’t require touching any conspicuous rolls that might weaken your resolve.
I just want to offer an alternative to that other thread that is going on around here, however well-intended it is—and of course good luck to all the resolutioners (see, I am fine with making that word up because I embrace the calories of alcohol)—but for those who want to break the cycle of self reproach, break it. Commit to weight gain this year. At least 5 pounds. Seek your inner Jabba the Hut. Eat. Drink. Be merry. Life is short. Besides, all the great writers drank to ridiculousness: Joyce, Faulkner, Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Capote … etc. I even heard Stephen King throws a few back.
So, for those of you who would rather just skip the first six months of this year’s going to the gym and eating gravel and tree bark while watching your friends jam Cheesecake Factory and all the booze they can drink into their faces … just DON’T do it. Don’t fall for it again this year.
Instead, set yourself free. Be happy. Embrace yourself—assuming you can fit your arms around you, obviously, but if not, just, you know, take a stab at it anyway and try to find a place to hold yourself that doesn’t require touching any conspicuous rolls that might weaken your resolve.
I just want to offer an alternative to that other thread that is going on around here, however well-intended it is—and of course good luck to all the resolutioners (see, I am fine with making that word up because I embrace the calories of alcohol)—but for those who want to break the cycle of self reproach, break it. Commit to weight gain this year. At least 5 pounds. Seek your inner Jabba the Hut. Eat. Drink. Be merry. Life is short. Besides, all the great writers drank to ridiculousness: Joyce, Faulkner, Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Capote … etc. I even heard Stephen King throws a few back.
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I think I might love you! But then I got that image with the unicorn floaties in my head...and well, no - I still love you!
Oh, I looked awesome in those floaties. If you were far enough away from me, at least 80 yards and definitely at twilight, in the dimness they look like biceps ... which, if you think about the steamy nature of the Twilight books, only makes sense. That's all I'm saying.JanneCO said:
I think I might love you! But then I got that image with the unicorn floaties in my head...and well, no - I still love you!
OMG! I totally see it now...thank GOD for dimness!John Daulton said:Oh, I looked awesome in those floaties. If you were far enough away from me, at least 80 yards and definitely at twilight, in the dimness they look like biceps ... which, if you think about the steamy nature of the Twilight books, only makes sense. That's all I'm saying.
And here I was thinking that this was going to be a 'gym-thread' with quotes like:John Daulton said:As the new year gets underway, the temptation to detest ourselves once again rises and, as if timed to some cosmic tide of self loathing, guilt washes up and tries to drown the peace we had finally made with ourselves somewhere around the end of July last year-especially after that 4th of July pool-party where we were so self-conscious we didn't even have fun until the seventh beer, the point at which it nearly got us and that poor five-year-old with the unicorn floaties drowned. Man those floaties were cool with the little horns and stuff, and I … we were sure that kid would be fine while we tried them out. But, of course, I'm speaking generally right now.
So, for those of you who would rather just skip the first six months of this year's going to the gym and eating gravel and tree bark while watching your friends jam Cheesecake Factory and all the booze they can drink into their faces … just DON'T do it. Don't fall for it again this year.
Instead, set yourself free. Be happy. Embrace yourself-assuming you can fit your arms around you, obviously, but if not, just, you know, take a stab at it anyway and try to find a place to hold yourself that doesn't require touching any conspicuous rolls that might weaken your resolve.
I just want to offer an alternative to that other thread that is going on around here, however well-intended it is-and of course good luck to all the resolutioners (see, I am fine with making that word up because I embrace the calories of alcohol)-but for those who want to break the cycle of self reproach, break it. Commit to weight gain this year. At least 5 pounds. Seek your inner Jabba the Hut. Eat. Drink. Be merry. Life is short. Besides, all the great writers drank to ridiculousness: Joyce, Faulkner, Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Capote … etc. I even heard Stephen King throws a few back.
"Do you even lift?"
and
"There's no excuses."
or maybe...
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
Sometimes it feels like our society jumps from one extreme to another. But then, that could just be the media feeding my head full of absolutes and hyperbole.
I nominate this thread for the best thread of 2013! (Unicorn floaties or no unicorn floaties!)John Daulton said:Instead, set yourself free. Be happy. Embrace yourself
Life is too short not to enjoy life and the "Things-I-should-do" in my life is already full!
("...I really should write more, answer all those email, get the paper work regarding reclaiming your tax sorted out, call mum more often,
be more sociable and meet new people, feed the cat on a regular basis and NOT just when she is cranky, etc, etc...")
So, in an imaginary world I would be more than happy to join you at the 4th of July Pool Party (as they are not that common here in England).
Oh, and I will be the one at the pool party dressed in the black-and-white Sweeney Todd bathing suit, sitting by myself in the shade with a book...
LOL @ Sweeny Todd bathing suit. And yeah, my poor cat has to do some whining some mornings. The darn cat foot tin is on the floor in a corner, and, well, that early in the morning it's almost like exercise getting down in there to scoop more out.Lady TL Jennings said:I nominate this thread for the best thread of 2013! (Unicorn floaties or no unicorn floaties!)
Life is too short not to enjoy life and the "Things-I-should-do" in my life is already full!
("...I really should write more, answer all those email, get the paper work regarding reclaiming your tax sorted out, call mum more often,
be more sociable and meet new people, feed the cat on a regular basis and NOT just when she is cranky, etc, etc...")
So, in an imaginary world I would be more than happy to join you at the 4th of July Pool Party (as they are not that common here in England).
Oh, and I will be the one at the pool party dressed in the black-and-white Sweeney Todd bathing suit, sitting by myself in the shade with a book...
I'll probably transfer my thread allegiance over here by March. 
Just wait until the unicorn pasties come out!Lady TL Jennings said:I nominate this thread for the best thread of 2013! (Unicorn floaties or no unicorn floaties!)
That's how you know you are at a good party right there, unicorn pasties.tensen said:Just wait until the unicorn pasties come out!
I love this thread. Unicorn floaties all around.
I do exercise every night. I exercise my right to lift a glass of scotch and savor it!
I drink it too.
I drink it too.
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