The time has come... need some blurb help...

This is interesting, but I am a little lost.

Content:

Who is your main character? It's unclear. In the first paragraph, you seem to be introducing the MC when you say "... she knew the truth..." and "she was smart enough to gain control over that very realization." Is "she" the Owl Queen? If not, who is "she"?

Are the Owl tribe good guys or bad guys? "However, the Owl Queen has foretold of a new prophesy. One where Owls rule the land under her command by a painful curse." Saying that the curse is painful makes me feel sorry for the Owls; is sympathy what you were after?

Then "A curse that will transform anyone who ingests it into a bloodthirsty and frenetic owl, hellbent on destruction." Are the Owls of this story normally that bloodthirsty, or are they just regular predatory types of birds who kill small mammals to survive? If the owls are normal birds, does this curse make anyone (any other animal) into a bad version of an Owl?

"... anyone who ingests it" [the curse] will turn bloodthirsty. How do you "ingest" a curse? Checking the dictionary definition, it usually means eat, swallow, etc., but can also mean "absorb information." When I read it in the blurb, however, I immediately thought of eating/drinking. So if they ingest the curse, that means they have to eat or drink something. Right? Magic potion? Magic acorn of the Acorn 666 prophecy? Something about contaminated acorns? I know many animals depend on acorns for a large part of their diet.

I really like the idea of the war between wild and domesticated animals. But I'm not seeing which side the Owl Queen is on. Owls are wild, so I guess she's rooting for the wild ones?

What is at stake for the Owl Queen? What is her quest or task? Is she trying to bring the wild and tame animals together so they can all live peacefully? Or does she want the wild ones to rule? If she fails in whatever her objective is, what will happen? One side rules? Or do the animals all die, and nothing is left on earth but plants? Is there some evil force at work, and she must lead the other animals against it in a war of some kind?

Grammar/word choice:

Needs some tweaking here and there. Examples:

"... and she was smart enough to gain control over that very realization." How does one gain control over a "realization"? Maybe it would work better to say the Owl Queen had the foresight to keep the prophecy a secret.

"From the noble woodland creatures led by a quiet and mysterious council, to the domesticated animals who were once companions for humankind everywhere." Something is missing here. You just have two phrases separated by a comma. I know you meant the ancient magic, but you need to add something like "The magic spread from the noble woodland creatures... to the domesticated animals..."

"However, the Owl Queen has foretold of a new prophesy." Delete "of," just say "foretold a new..."

The spelling is incorrect. Prophesy, ending in sy: verb. Prophecy, ending in cy: noun. I think you meant prophecy the noun. Also correct it in "A curse that will make this prophesy come true. The prophesy of Acorn 666."

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Sorry I couldn't offer better advice, but as I said, I'm a little confused by the blurb.

See if anything inspires you, but feel completely free to ignore it all

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In a world where humans perished in an apocalypse, two brave mice, a rabbit, and a racoon stand against the tyranny of the owl queen and her foul army of beasts. The small group must avoid poison acorns while learning ancient magic passed down from other woodland creatures, magic that is their only hope against the dreaded queen.


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Sometimes less is more

Sever Bronny said:

See if anything inspires you, but feel completely free to ignore it all

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In a world where humans perished in an apocalypse, two brave mice, a rabbit, and a racoon stand against the tyranny of the owl queen and her foul army of beasts. The small group must avoid poison acorns while learning ancient magic passed down from other woodland creatures, magic that is their only hope against the dreaded queen.

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Sometimes less is more

Click to expand...

I like Sever's wording in the single paragraph, but, Josh, I think it would be fine to have the standard three-paragraph blurb. Sever's paragraph would be great for a back-cover blurb if you do a paperback edition. It could also be your "elevator speech" if people ask you what your book is about -- it's short and direct.

I like the protagonist characters, now that I know who/what they are: the protagonists are two mice, a rabbit and a raccoon. Now I can see that it's a mighty struggle, a sort of David vs. Goliath situation. Mice and rabbits are gentle. Raccoons can get a little feisty (like the ones in my back yard) but they generally are not aggressive types of animals. Owls are predators. (I like owls, but that's what they are.) So you have the four gentle animals, two of them tiny little things, against the tough birds of prey, and those birds are armed with evil powers and poisoned acorns. Now you need to introduce the Fab Four into the blurb. What are their names?

Villains are always more interesting than heroes, so I can see how you got carried away with the Owl Queen.

Use anything you like -- that's what these blurb discussion threads are for.