[Stewart Matthews]

I have ASCENDED from lowly prawn, to the NOBLE Crab! *clack clack clack*

LOOK UPON ME, bipedal mortals, and despair--for my mighty claws *clack clack clack* know the secrets of your TYPING, and your INTERNET PROMOTIONS. Today is a GLORIOUS day, as it is the first of a week of days heralding the coming of my short story A Life Before Sleep. My objective is to use this story merely as bait for those of you who will wander TOO CLOSE and become enticed by my INTRIGUING world, and exciting story. You will have NO choice but to purchase the inspiration for my short, my novel, We Are Watching. And once you do, it'll be too late! For it is I who have now CAUGHT YOU! *clack clack clack*

3/2/15 - Ebooklister.net, eBook Soda - 3 short sales, 1 novel sale
3/3/15 - Bargain Ebook Hunter, Ebooklister.net - 3 short sales, 3 novel sales
3/4/15 - PixelScroll - 2 short sales, 1 novel sale
3/5/15 - SweetFreeBooks.com - 8 short sales, 1 novel borrow
3/6/15 - Awesome Gang, OHFB (no listing in OHFB) - 1 short borrow
3/7/15 - Bargain Booksy, Read Cheaply - 3 short sales

*clack clack clack*

 

[PearlEarringLady]

LOL! I wish the the very best of luck, oh Great Crab. May your clackings be fruitful (and may no one catch you and stuff you and serve you with rocket salad...).

 

[Rex]

Nice.

Makes me think of Randy Pincherson crossed with Stewie.

I recommend putting BKNights in there. And Freebooksy or BargainBooksy if your story matches their requirements. They offer paid guaranteed, but I got picked up on the unpaid side.

 

[R. M. Webb]

Ha! Very funny...

*searches overly tired brain for witty return*

LOL! I wish the the very best of luck, oh Great Crab. May your clackings be fruitful (and may no one catch you and stuff you and serve you with rocket salad...).

What she said!

*gives awkward thumbs up and wanders from the room*

 

[GoneToWriterSanctum]

I do not accept VerticalScope's Terms Of Service on Kboards, and have asked for my account to be deleted, along with all of my posts.

If you are here as a result of a Google search, leave now. The owners of this site are interested only in your possible ad revenue.

 

[smikeo]

I shall sacrifice a goat for thy success oh mighty one
(No goats were harmed when writing this post)

 

[Lydniz]

 

[Thisiswhywecan'thavenicethings]

Are you sure you're not being just a little shellfish?

 

[Lydniz]

Are you sure you're not being just a little shellfish?

Don't say that, or he'll clam up.

 

[EC Sheedy]

Now if that "clack, clack, clack" turns into "click, click, click" all will be well on the ocean's floor.

Ah, it's good to be a crab...

Good luck!

 

[Stewart Matthews]

Yes, YES! *clack clack clack* Come closer HUMANS! You're already FEEDING UPON MY TRAP. Keep buying my NOVEL! *clack clack clack*

 

[ufwriter]

Good luck, crazy crab man! Is that a Rocking Book Cover?

 

[I'm a Little Teapot]

Don't say that, or he'll clam up.

He's already flexing his mussels.

 

[NoBlackHats]

(still laughing)

How can I not borrow this book?  Seems like the least I could do after all my past sins consisting of huge Crab Louis and melted butter....

 

[Stewart Matthews]

Good luck, crazy crab man! Is that a Rocking Book Cover?

Keen eye, HUMAN. Indeed it is a ROCKING BOOK COVER! For his help, Andrijus was the first to bask in my GLORY.

 

[Sever Bronny]

lol Matt. Good luck, my clackety friend! And keep us posted how it does : )

 

[e-chant]

I bow to you, my prince
Good luck with you plans for world crab domination!

 

[Scott Bartlett]

Best promo report thread ever.

*attempts to clack fleshy appendages*



*opts for snapping them*

 

[Robert Dahlen]

He's already flexing his mussels.

Yeah, but you still have to wish him lobster luck...

I'll show myself out.

 

[Stewart Matthews]

Your puns AMUSE me, humans!