[T.C. Beckett]

As the title says, I'm finally at the point where I'm trying to polish up my blurb. I've gone through several iterations at this point and am fairly happy with what I have, but I could always use second opinions from someone whose mind won't automatically fill in any blanks.

This is my debut novel, Traverse, and it straddles the border between fantasy and light sci-fi (I'm terrible at nailing down a genre).

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Kirkland Heath has the power to break through the barrier between parallel universes and venture to other worlds. For the last several years, he's used this ability to escape his problems, but when he journeys to a new world, he finds himself in a situation he might not be able to run from so easily.

After crash-landing in a foreign land, Kirkland meets Mesca, a young woman with incredible abilities-abilities that have caught the attention of a powerful group known as the Arbiters, a multi-universal entity capable of erasing entire worlds when they deem an individual or group within it too dangerous. Fearing for their lives, Kirkland and Mesca find themselves on the run and are forced to join up with the revolutionary leader Fraire-Lina and her band of rebels.

With the Arbiters on their heels and fleeing no longer an option, their only choices are to fight or face erasure.
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I'm also looking for beta readers, if anyone is interested. Feel free to comment/PM me if you are.

Thanks!

 

[Sever Bronny]

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Kirkland Heath escapes his problems by venturing to remote worlds in other universes. But one particular planet draws him into a conflict so fierce it forces him to rethink his views. There he meets Mesca, a tempestuous young woman with powerful abilities, abilities that catch the attention of the Arbiters, an intergalactic police force that erases entire worlds it deems a threat.

While Kirkland and Mesca join up with a band of feisty rebels, they must do x and y ...  or face erasure on a planetary scale.
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Unable to complete.

Feels like there's a challenge missing, something more salient than simply facing the enemy. Do Kirk and Mesca have to get over any personal conflicts? What about conflicts with the rebels? Any challenges there? Any personal demons Kirkland has to get over? What problems was he running away from? Anything interesting about how he got this power to go to other worlds?

Anyway, just my take on it. Feel completely free to ignore it all. Hopefully something inspires you though

 

[A Woman's Place Is In The Rebellion]

Overall, I like it. A few suggested tweaks if you're interested:

Kirkland Heath has the power to break through the barrier between parallel universes and venture to other worlds. So far, he's used this ability to escape his problems, but when he crash lands in a new world and meets the [adjective] Mesca, he finds himself in a situation he can't run from so easily.

Kirkland quickly discovers that Mesca is a young woman with incredible abilities -- abilities that have caught the attention of a powerful group known as the Arbiters, a multi-universal entity capable of erasing entire worlds when they deem its inhabitants too dangerous. Fearing for their lives, Kirkland and Mesca reluctantly team up with the revolutionary leader Fraire-Lina and her band of [adjective] rebels.

With the Arbiters hot on their heels and escape no longer an option, Kirkland finds the courage to stay and fight for the first time in his life... the fate of an entire world depends on it. [not sure about this last line, but I'd like to tie in Kirkland's personal arc to the higher stakes]

 

[Gone Girl]

We miss you, Harvey Chute.

 

[T.C. Beckett]

Thanks so far, guys! I'm really liking these suggestions. Augusta, that looks really great, and I like how you bring up his personal conflicts again at the end, which is what Sever mentioned as well. I'll definitely be taking some of your tweaks and incorporating them into my updated blurb. And TeaBell, your points made a lot of sense, too. I've made some changes based on your feedback.
This is kind of what I'm working with now:

Kirkland Heath has the power to break through the barrier between parallel universes and venture to other worlds. For the last several years, he's used this ability to escape his problems, but when he crash-lands in a new world and meets the kindhearted and earnest Mesca, he finds himself in a situation he can't run from so easily.

Kirkland quickly discovers that Mesca is a young woman with incredible abilities--abilities that have caught the attention of the Arbiters, a multi-universal entity capable of erasing entire worlds when they deem its inhabitants too dangerous. Fearing for their lives, Kirkland and Mesca go on the run and are forced to team up with the revolutionary leader Fraire-Lina and her peculiar band of rebels.

With the Arbiters closing in and escape no longer an option, Kirkland must confront the problems he's been running from for so long, and he struggles to find the courage to stay and fight for the first time in his life--the fate of the greater universe might depend on it.

 

[A Woman's Place Is In The Rebellion]

Just a little thing -
"the fate of the greater universe might depends on it." (IMO, the use of 'might' lessens the excitement)

 

[T.C. Beckett]

That makes sense, thanks!