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404 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through my house
This author was praying
That his sales not be a louse

The writers from KB were nestled snug in their beds,
While visions of massive sales danced in their heads;
And I stared at my sales reports lying in my lap,
And the thought haunted me, that maybe all I wrote was crap,

When out on the KDP reports there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
Away to my computer I flew like a flash,
Turned the thing on and hoped it wouldn't crash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave a lustre to my keyboard on my desk below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a slew of new sales, and I grinned ear to ear

Where my numbers were paltry and once made me sick,
I now saw them climbing and going up quick.
More rapid than eagles the sales they came,
And I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

"Now, Book 1! now, Book 2! now, Boxed Set with six in!
And, Come on you pen names, now don't you be fritzin!"
To the top of the charts! So high that Amazon calls!
Now don't dash away! dash away! Not at all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the top 100, my books they flew,
With a mystery novella, and a short story too.

And then, in a twinkling, I now knew the truth
That I was a good writer, and that now I had proof.
As I shook my head in wonder, as the sales did mound,
Down the chimney did Jeff Bezos come with a bound.

He was dressed in Armani, from his head to his foot,
But his clothes were now tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of Kindles he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the green of his money was as green as what grows;

The stump of an agent he held tight in his teeth,
And the glow from his halo circled his head like a wreath;
He had a thin face and a flat tight belly,
At the Big Six he laughed, even said they were smelly.

He wallet was plump, but he was the picture of health,
And I bowed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And emptied my bookshelves; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, placed a Kindle near my toes

He sprang to his limo, to his posse gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, sales will climb to new heights."

My apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, ::)

118 Posts
Wow, good stuff. My favorite line: "At the Big Six he laughed, even said they were smelly."

16,323 Posts
"The stump of an agent he held tight in his teeth"

:D :D :D :D :D

404 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
Dalya said:
If you look verrrrrry closely, you will see they ARE PRAWNS! :)

Wow! Not only are they prawns, they're Star Prawns!
All my book covers will now proudly declare that I am the winner of the 5 Star Prawn Award.
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