What do they really mean when they say...

2052 Views 35 Replies 19 Participants Last post by N. Gemini Sasson, Jun 15, 2011

Klip

Discussion Starter · Jun 12, 2011

In my other life, I moderate a forum - means I have to deal with a lot of passive aggresion

To keep myself sane, I'm collecting the kinds of things people say on forums, and translating them to what is really meant:

For example:

When they say: "That is your opinion, and you are entitled to it."
They really mean: "You are wrong. Please keep your opinions to yourself."

When they say: "I'm confused..."
They really mean: " I do not agree with you. In fact, you are an idiot, but it does not fit with my image of myself as a reasonable person to come right out and say so, so I'm pretending to misunderstand you so I'll have a chance to repeat your mistaken idea back to you and point out just how wrong you are."

When they say: "For the record..."
They really mean: "OK, I'm really annoyed now."

When they say: "With respect..."
They really mean: "Shut the *** up you ***"

When they say: "In my humble opinion" or "IMHO"
They really mean: "I will now deign to share my enlightened opinion with you, moron."

Sorry. Had to release some steam of my own!

1 - 20 of 36 Posts

Tippy

· #2 · Jun 12, 2011

Love it.

Alain Gomez

· #3 · Jun 12, 2011

Wait, I'm confused... do you still moderate forums? In my humble opinion, that would be a tough job. I'm not sure how people do it. But for the record, I deeply appreciate all the moderators here. Since my opinion is the only one that really matters, I always feel very entitled to it. With respect to everyone who reads this, of course.

Klip

Discussion Starter · #4 · Jun 12, 2011

Alain Gomez said:
Wait, I'm confused... do you still moderate forums? In my humble opinion, that would be a tough job. I'm not sure how people do it. But for the record, I deeply appreciate all the moderators here. Since my opinion is the only one that really matters, I always feel very entitled to it. With respect to everyone who reads this, of course.

Ah! You had me going for a second there. Got all defensive!

Alain Gomez

· #5 · Jun 12, 2011

mashadutoit said:
Ah! You had me going for a second there. Got all defensive!

NapCat (retired)

· #6 · Jun 12, 2011

Good Vent !!

I also moderate a couple of forums (NOT this one). Electronic verbiage has no associated facial expressions or voice inflections, so can be easily misinterpreted. Emoticons or other indications of tone help....

This, of course is just "my humble opinion" Ha!

telracs

· #7 · Jun 12, 2011

Actually, sometimes those things really do mean what the person wrote. It's better for your stress level to believe that. Now, if I could just follow my own advice.....

PG4003 (Patricia)

· #8 · Jun 12, 2011

You people who moderate forums have my admiration. It's got to be a thankless job. 'Cause I know everybody's not as nice as we are

JRTomlin

· #9 · Jun 12, 2011

When they say:

"I hope this doesn't sound sexist but"

You can bet a fair amount of money, it is. You'll absolutely win.

There are a number of permutations of that (racist, homophobic, etc) and I guarantee the same rule applies.

CaedemMarquez

· #10 · Jun 13, 2011

mashadutoit said:
When they say: "That is your opinion, and you are entitled to it."
They really mean: "You are wrong. Please keep your opinions to yourself."

I just saw this phrase on kindleboards today! The thread was shut down. Looks like you know what you're talking about!

lpking

· #11 · Jun 13, 2011

There's a general rule to be extrapolated here.

If you have to type something that looks like a disclaimer before you express your opinion, or your feelings/thoughts about someone else's opinion, get up, walk away from the computer, and make a cuppa. If you still really need to type what you originally planned to type, think about the poor moderator!

MichelleR

· #12 · Jun 13, 2011

As someone with a little experience of my own in this area, I always loved the allegation that any attempt to keep people from full out war was the first step toward totalitarianism.

lpking

· #13 · Jun 13, 2011

MichelleR said:
As someone with a little experience of my own in this area, I always loved the allegation that any attempt to keep people from full out war was the first step toward totalitarianism.

That is so much more eloquent than the free speech defense!

Klip

Discussion Starter · #14 · Jun 13, 2011

JRTomlin said:
When they say:

"I hope this doesn't sound sexist but"

You can bet a fair amount of money, it is. You'll absolutely win.

There are a number of permutations of that (racist, homophobic, etc) and I guarantee the same rule applies.

Very true! I forgot about that one.

lpking said:
There's a general rule to be extrapolated here.

If you have to type something that looks like a disclaimer before you express your opinion, or your feelings/thoughts about someone else's opinion, get up, walk away from the computer, and make a cuppa. If you still really need to type what you originally planned to type, think about the poor moderator!

Good advice. The trick is to notice your own disclaimers through the red haze of your own irritation!

MichelleR said:
As someone with a little experience of my own in this area, I always loved the allegation that any attempt to keep people from full out war was the first step toward totalitarianism.

Oh yes. The outraged accusations of censorship...

I thought of some more.

Ending your post with "Just sayin..."
Actually means - "I'm happy to butt in here with my opinion, but I'm not willing to listen to anyone else's response to it. I have the automatic last word."

Ending your post with "Cheers!" is usually not meant as a friendly greeting either!

See less See more

MichelleR

· #15 · Jun 13, 2011

I see "just sayin'" as weasel words. Probably because it was a comedy staple of the 80s and 90s to point out that people used the phrase to distance themselves from an insult. It acts in place of "don't shoot the messenger," but asks that you ignore that they're also the author of the message.

Tam

· #16 · Jun 13, 2011

I'm a member of a forum about a subject I love and really like most of the other members (which is why I continue going there.) The owner/chief moderator makes a lot of snarky comments himself, often mildly sexist. Many people have argued with him - to their own peril because his view is that it's his forum and his rules. He does have a team of moderators who do a good job, but he has to occasionally exercise his ego. The people who stay on the forum just deal with it and those who don't like it either leave on their own or get banned. He does have a point in that he is the one making it all available to everyone for free.

NogDog

· #17 · Jun 13, 2011

MichelleR said:
I see "just sayin'" as weasel words. Probably because it was a comedy staple of the 80s and 90s to point out that people used the phrase to distance themselves from an insult. It acts in place of "don't shoot the messenger," but asks that you ignore that they're also the author of the message.

That one hasn't (yet) gotten to me, but I used to cringe when "whatever" became all the rage, and now it's "It is what it is" -- both expressions that don't actually mean anything (like "just sayin'"?) and tend to irrationally irritate me.

Klip

Discussion Starter · #18 · Jun 13, 2011

Tam said:
I'm a member of a forum about a subject I love and really like most of the other members (which is why I continue going there.) The owner/chief moderator makes a lot of snarky comments himself, often mildly sexist. Many people have argued with him - to their own peril because his view is that it's his forum and his rules. He does have a team of moderators who do a good job, but he has to occasionally exercise his ego. The people who stay on the forum just deal with it and those who don't like it either leave on their own or get banned. He does have a point in that he is the one making it all available to everyone for free.

That is actually quite an interesting issue. Does the forum "belong" to it's creator, or to the members? Is it like inviting a group of people to your house - in which case they would be rude to complain about the music you play or the curtains you've chosen - or is it more like a "clubhouse" that nobody owns but is a communal space?

I suppose this would depend on the context. For example - I've participated in some forums which are hosted by a specific author, and is sort of about them and their personality. In that case, I can understand that it would be a case of "if you cant stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." But in this case, it sounds like a pity that the community is at the mercy of a rather immature individual!

NogDog

· #19 · Jun 13, 2011

mashadutoit said:
That is actually quite an interesting issue. Does the forum "belong" to it's creator, or to the members? Is it like inviting a group of people to your house - in which case they would be rude to complain about the music you play or the curtains you've chosen - or is it more like a "clubhouse" that nobody owns but is a communal space?

I suppose this would depend on the context. For example - I've participated in some forums which are hosted by a specific author, and is sort of about them and their personality. In that case, I can understand that it would be a case of "if you cant stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." But in this case, it sounds like a pity that the community is at the mercy of a rather immature individual!

Since the forurm "owner" is paying for the web hosting, possibly paying for the software, and put in the time to set things up and promote it, I think it's fair to say he owns it. He therefore has the right to run it pretty much as he wants, within whatever legal restrictions there may be on harassment and similar issues. But what one has "the right to do" and what is "right to do" are not the same things.

In any case, if a group of you are not happy with how a forum is being run, it is not all that difficult nor expensive (you can get decent shared hosting accounts now for $5/month or so* and a domain name is something like $10/year) to host your own forum and migrate there with like-minded members of the other forum. Of course, then you may find you have to deal with the time/effort to get it known and attract enough members to provide enough traffic to make it worthwhile.
__________
* and you can host multiple forums/blogs on that one account

See less See more

Ann Herrick

· #20 · Jun 13, 2011

"In other words, what you're really saying is..." and poster says the exact opposite of what the original post was.

1 - 20 of 36 Posts

This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.