[Klip]

In my other life, I moderate a forum - means I have to deal with a lot of passive aggresion 

To keep myself sane, I'm collecting the kinds of things people say on forums, and translating them to what is really meant:

For example:

When they say: "That is your opinion, and you are entitled to it." 
They really mean: "You are wrong.  Please keep your opinions to yourself."

When they say: "I'm confused..."
They really mean: " I do not agree with you.  In fact, you are an idiot, but it does not fit with my image of myself as a reasonable person to come right out and say so, so I'm pretending to misunderstand you so I'll have a chance to repeat your mistaken idea back to you and point out just how wrong you are."

When they say: "For the record..."
They really mean: "OK, I'm really annoyed now."

When they say: "With respect..."
They really mean: "Shut the *** up you ***"

When they say: "In my humble opinion" or "IMHO"
They really mean: "I will now deign to share my enlightened opinion with you, moron."

Sorry.  Had to release some steam of my own!

 

[Klip]

Wait, I'm confused... do you still moderate forums? In my humble opinion, that would be a tough job. I'm not sure how people do it. But for the record, I deeply appreciate all the moderators here. Since my opinion is the only one that really matters, I always feel very entitled to it. With respect to everyone who reads this, of course.

Ah! You had me going for a second there. Got all defensive!

 

[Klip]

When they say:

"I hope this doesn't sound sexist but"

You can bet a fair amount of money, it is. You'll absolutely win.

There are a number of permutations of that (racist, homophobic, etc) and I guarantee the same rule applies.

Very true! I forgot about that one.

There's a general rule to be extrapolated here.

If you have to type something that looks like a disclaimer before you express your opinion, or your feelings/thoughts about someone else's opinion, get up, walk away from the computer, and make a cuppa. If you still really need to type what you originally planned to type, think about the poor moderator!

Good advice. The trick is to notice your own disclaimers through the red haze of your own irritation!

As someone with a little experience of my own in this area, I always loved the allegation that any attempt to keep people from full out war was the first step toward totalitarianism.

Oh yes. The outraged accusations of censorship...

I thought of some more.

Ending your post with "Just sayin..."
Actually means - "I'm happy to butt in here with my opinion, but I'm not willing to listen to anyone else's response to it. I have the automatic last word."

Ending your post with "Cheers!" is usually not meant as a friendly greeting either!

 

[Klip]

I'm a member of a forum about a subject I love and really like most of the other members (which is why I continue going there.) The owner/chief moderator makes a lot of snarky comments himself, often mildly sexist. Many people have argued with him - to their own peril because his view is that it's his forum and his rules. He does have a team of moderators who do a good job, but he has to occasionally exercise his ego. The people who stay on the forum just deal with it and those who don't like it either leave on their own or get banned. He does have a point in that he is the one making it all available to everyone for free.

That is actually quite an interesting issue. Does the forum "belong" to it's creator, or to the members? Is it like inviting a group of people to your house - in which case they would be rude to complain about the music you play or the curtains you've chosen - or is it more like a "clubhouse" that nobody owns but is a communal space?

I suppose this would depend on the context. For example - I've participated in some forums which are hosted by a specific author, and is sort of about them and their personality. In that case, I can understand that it would be a case of "if you cant stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." But in this case, it sounds like a pity that the community is at the mercy of a rather immature individual!

 

[Klip]

"In other words, what you're really saying is..." and poster says the exact opposite of what the original post was.

Yes !

 

[Klip]

Oh, many and various are the ways in which people misbehave on forums...

The one that get's my goat is when they post a desperate cry for help and then proceed to get highly offended and defensive at all responses, no matter how kindly phrased.

 

[Klip]

In my experience, the people with whom questioning doesn't sit well are those who have no rational reason for their belief. They haven't come to it by considering all sides and coming to a conclusion, they've just been taught -- often from a very young age -- that "this is the way it is". So when you ask "why", they have nothing to say but "because". Or ask them to explain their position and they can't. And that embarrasses and angers them. And of course it's all directed at the one who asked the question.

Very true!

But I wonder (because I'm like this, myself) if some of what is seen as argument is actually the author "digging deeper" into what is being said and only looks like argument.

Good point - and I think that (as others have pointed out here as well) it is extra important to phrase your queries carefully so you dont come across as defensive rather than curious.

As a teacher, I know that one has to be careful to respond to the challenge of a student's questions without letting those questions "get at you" personally. A student may seem to be casting your authority into doubt, or telling you you are wrong - but if you can separate the personal out of the conversation, a challenging student can create opportunities for great classroom discussions. It is not always easy though.