Kindle Forum banner
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,167 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
BLURB A-

Shay Summer’s father passed away a year ago leaving her with new stepmom Kara; a “yogurt/yoga” loving tyrant who keeps trying to get Shay to lose weight.

To make matters worse, Shay’s classmate Kelly subjects her to daily torture and ridicule.

Finally, things start to look up when Shay meets "Godot" the perfect guy, online. And After tons of IM’s and texts, they fall in love.

But she soon learns that her online love is a hottie IRL (in real life) there is NO CHANCE a guy like that would be with a girl like her.

"Godot" pushes for them to meet up but just as Shay gathers her courage,  she discovers a website entirely dedicated to terrorize her.

Did "Godot" know about the website? Has this online love been a cruel joke? Will Shay find the strength to fight back Or will she let the website drive her to commit a desperate act?

BLURB B-

"Shay, the readers want to know what the book is about"

"Um pretty much the worst thing that can happen to a girl--falling in love online and finding out
The guy you love is the hottie you can never have in real life"

"C'Mon, did you at least try to meet up him?"

" I was gathering my courage then I found the websites, the website changed everything..."


 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,433 Posts
That's interesting!

For me, both the blurbs are a little unusual. The first one comes across as closer to the traditional, but the voice is quite casual, but I think that may be appropriate for your target audience . Some of it is a little clumsy here and there (I think you must make a call on whether to have IRL or "(in real life)" but don't have both).

The second approach has potential too. You do run the danger of the reader going "huh? whaziz?" and not bothering to read further.

But the very last line falls flat for me. You need to reveal a little more about that webiste - the fact that it is an attack website possibly created by the person she has a crush on.

Possible re-write:

After her father's death, Shay Summer must live with her new step-mom, a yogurt & yoga tyrant who is obsessed with Shay's weight.
On top of that, Shay has to suffer daily bullying and ridicule from her classmate Kelly. Then Shay meets Godot, the perfect guy. Although she's only met him online, only spoken through IM's and texts, Shay is in love.

But Shay learns that Godot is not all that he seems. What if he's a hottie IRL? The kind of guy who would never be with a girl like her? Godot pushes for them to meet up but just as Shay gathers her courage, she discovers a website entirely dedicated to terrorize her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,167 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Got it! I guess I still have some work to do, thx:)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,648 Posts
From the blurbs, I don't know if Shay is a kick-*ss heroine who's proud of her rockin' bod, or a shy, reclusive type with few friends. I would like to get more of her personality, moreso than the setup. I mean, plot things is just "disaster ensues" blah blah. Inevitable for any book. :)

Sounds like a good book. Just needs the right frame for the art. ;-)
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top