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i need to know why people aren't buying my book.

i look at kindle unlimited pages read (kenp) and there's been like 4 people, and they all stop somewhere around 2-8 kenps into the book, and i'm like... why are they all stopping around there? i'm assuming that if 4 ppl are stopping at 2-8 kenps into the book, lots and lots of other buyers who aren't in kindle unlimited are stopping at the same point

so what's wrong with the first 2-8 kenps? is that like the first 400 - 1600 words? cause my book is 500 kenps long and i'm pretty sure it's 100,000 words, so i'm assuming one kenp is 200 words. so what's wrong with the first 400-1600 words?

here's my book:
https://www.amazon.com/Empire-Legend-Miracle-Miran-Book-ebook/dp/B08JS5YP2H

have fun destroying it.
 

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I’m going to take a stab and say that it has a lot to do with the first scene being a huge info dump, before you’ve even given the reader a reason to care about any of the characters.

Also, I found the prose really stilted and therefore hard to get into.
 

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have fun destroying it
Not what we're about here. That said, I agree with Shayne. I'd lose that preamble (calling it something different doesn't make it anything but what it is, a prologue), smooth out the writing (get an editor, a critique group or some good betas, or a combination). The writing wasn't horrible, and believe me, I've seen horrible, but it needs smoothing out.

Also, get the next book out ASAP. People see "book one", and they start looking to see where it is. Readers have gotten burned by authors who promise a series and never delivered, so they often wait until more books are out before they get started.

It's been like, four days. What have you done to get people to notice you? This stuff usually isn't some instant best seller thing, you have to put the book out there, make sure you get in front of potential readers. This means, for the most part, ads. Writing, publishing, marketing: those are the three jobs you've taken on as a self publisher.
 

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I don't wish to destroy your book!  I'll just say a few things.

First, what is up with this "ser?"  Is this some form of the word, "Sir?"  Because, it isn't a typo, and it looks like it is intentional.  My eye arrests when I encounter it, because it looks not only like a typo, but also a misuse of the word.  Even if you have some stylistic intent, it isn't likely to be taken that way.  I just don't know what it is.  It looks like an error.

I am a cat lover, but are you surprised to have people discover that your main character is a cat?  What I mean is, some people would dig it, but others might feel that they are reading a children's book.  Is this a children's book?  I don't know if an explanation of some ancestry is necessary or not, but for some reason, it sends alarm bells up as I read it.  I don't know what to make of it.  If you have a race of people who derived from cats, well...I don't know if I would want my main guy identified as "feline."  Because, when you do, you throw your story into some other genre, IMO.  I don't know what I am reading.

I found some of the dialogue to be unrealistic.  Also, as noted above, you have huge chunks of info dump, which is hard to wade through.  I'd skinny that up and proceed to some action.

It seemed to me that the structure of your chapters is more like a screenplay. It's like,  you started a screenplay but then changed your mind and let it evolve into a book.  You have film on your mind, not a good story.  Your chapter headings are strange and contribute to that feeling.

I think your book needs a good editor.
 

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The first thing is the cover. Is it homemade? Somehow a cat just doesn't cut it in the cover.  It looks odd. I think there's no mention of a cat in the blurb. Why cats and not humans? No matter how you try, people think of cats as cute and cuddly, though sly. Maybe change them to humans or alien-types.

I liked your first few paragraphs, but agree the dialogue is jaded.


I hope this helps, but take it with a pinch of salt.
 

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My first thought is "because most people aren't furries." You write about an anthropomorphic cat and that's your market. I don't really know if there's a significant market for furry stuff that isn't porn.

The second thing is your author blurb. I think you're trying to be funny, but my first thought is "only a 14 year old boy would think this is funny."
 

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Meh, I mean it's important to look at your first book with a critical eye, but I think it's more important to take your lessons and write the next book.  Sometimes people break out and have a great success with that first one, and that's great, but it's not going to happen all the time.  A lot of that is being the right book for the right time which can be almost impossible to do intentionally.  I think for most of us there is a degree of the Finding Nemo thing of, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.  The books will get better, they will get done faster, and you will be more pleased with the results the more you do it.  I really do think that there's a muscle memory in doing books.  The same way a pianist builds up experience in their fingers, a writer builds up experience in their storytelling.

And, from personal experience, one thing I really regret was trying to start writing with a series.  What I ended up with was the first book that I hated and the second book that I liked but it relied on the first book.  So, I don't know if you plan on doing the next book in this series, which could be great, but I definitely had a bad time trying to do a series right off the bat.  But as long as you just keep writing, good things will happen.
 

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A few things jump out at me.

-- The cover looks home-made.
-- While I'm sure there is a market for anthropomorphic cat space opera, it's probably not a big market. (Also, the readers of that sub-genre are probably looking for specific tropes you may not be hitting.)
-- You've got typos in the first few paragraphs of the book (You wrote conveyed when you meant convened.)
-- I can't tell if this book is intended to be serious (ambitious vengeful orphan) or tongue-in-cheek and silly (Toot and Hoot). Maybe that becomes clear later on, but I shouldn't be uncertain.

Good luck!
 

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Hi,

I echo a couple of other notes.

- The cover needs work. I can say that from experience - my first book didn't start selling until I had a cover the fit the genre. You would really help yourself.

- Genre positioning doesn't seem right - it seems to be in superhero fantasy/alien invasion science fiction, and unless people are interested in a cat/cat admirals as heroes, you may be targeting the wrong market. I like superheroes, but a cat? Maybe that's why people are stopping because they realize right away that this Miran is... a cat. What's jarring is a visitor sees a cover with a cat, then the blurb doesn't feel like its about a cat and its a more standard galactic story, and then they read page one and it's cats. That would be a turn off for most fantasy/sci-fi/space adventure folks.



-
 

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ShayneRutherford said:
I'm going to take a stab and say that it has a lot to do with the first scene being a huge info dump, before you've even given the reader a reason to care about any of the characters.

Also, I found the prose really stilted and therefore hard to get into.
In addition to what Shayne said (which I completely agree with), you fairly frequently use words incorrectly, and your dialog doesn't read as how people talk. Novel dialog does tend to be a little artificial, idealized perhaps, but yours goes way too far into unrealistic territory. The combination of stilted prose, bad dialog, and a huge amount of info-dumping right out of the gate is unfortunately a tough read.

Solutions: An editor is possible, but it will be expensive. Online peer-review critique groups tend to be a better option in my opinion. The transition from what you have so far to entertaining prose is a very learnable skill if you're open to it.
 

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You pulled a George Lucas ala Episode one. You recall when the scroll started and everyone started reading and then thought "wtf is this about a tax federation?"
I think you have an interesting concept but you are dumping way to many character names and information on the first page.
 

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Speaker-To-Animals said:
My first thought is "because most people aren't furries." You write about an anthropomorphic cat and that's your market. I don't really know if there's a significant market for furry stuff that isn't porn.
Hahahahahaha!!! (excuse me) hahahahahahaha!! That's why I didn't get it! I practically spewed coffee reading that line!

OP, there IS that segment about the cat's sex life--you really put that in there--and now I am even questioning if we are being punked! If you are seriously concerned, I'd edit that bit out!!!

Hahahahahaha!! Space porn, a new sub genre! You need a new cover reflecting that! ((Oh, my word, what do you think, new keyboard? Yes dear, I'm going to start the draft today...as soon as I stop laughing...))
 

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RedAlert said:
First, what is up with this "ser?" Is this some form of the word, "Sir?" Because, it isn't a typo, and it looks like it is intentional. My eye arrests when I encounter it, because it looks not only like a typo, but also a misuse of the word. Even if you have some stylistic intent, it isn't likely to be taken that way. I just don't know what it is. It looks like an error.
Ser o no ser? That seems to be the question.

RedAlert said:
OP, there IS that segment about the cat's sex life--you really put that in there--and now I am even questioning if we are being punked! If you are seriously concerned, I'd edit that bit out!!!
 

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guochel said:
i need to know why people aren't buying my book.
Your book isn't selling because it's only been out for a few days and you haven't spent any money marketing it. There's your answer. Though to be honest you probably shouldn't spend any money on ads until you identify your target market and whether or not people actually like the book.

guochel said:
i look at kindle unlimited pages read (kenp) and there's been like 4 people, and they all stop somewhere around 2-8 kenps into the book, and i'm like... why are they all stopping around there? i'm assuming that if 4 ppl are stopping at 2-8 kenps into the book, lots and lots of other buyers who aren't in kindle unlimited are stopping at the same point
They may have downloaded the book and opened it to confirm it was downloaded and plan on reading it later.
 

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Your book is still new. You could use some ad momentum to pull in some sales. You'll have to talk it up in social circles, maybe some FB and Twitter announcements. That being said, you're very dialogue heavy up front. There's no action or movement in the first scene, which is a sit-down tribunal of sorts. It's totally static. Chapter 2 gives us a peek aboard a large and majestic star ship, but then it runs into lengthily dialogue again....and that's where I petered out. You could stand to use some contractions in the dialogue and maybe in the narrative--it would distance you from some of the stilted. Yet, I can understand the formality of that interrogation to a degree. The cover isn't bad, I was just wondering what those spikes or appendages were from his back, or whatever they were. I like the colors.
 

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I didn't get past two paragraphs. The writing isn't up to par, it's telling me rather than showing. It's all info dump, without any real voice to draw me in. Saying 'the light was ominous' isn't useful - make me feel it.

Work on your next book and keep writing. Get good, critical feedback from people, but you're just not there yet.
 

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I don't know much about space opera / sci fi, but I agree on the info dump bit. The 'ser' is a little off-putting. Obviously, it's an accent, but at first glance it looks like a typo...

Cut the excess info/history from the first few paragraphs perhaps, or cut it down -- get to the part where the main character gets the space fleet, and the action that undoubtedly follows.... Maybe let the info on the character's past appear more gradually, or in the form of flashbacks, or something like that.

The cat thing wouldn't bother me, as I like cats. But then, I don't know how particular space readers are about characters being feline or whatever. There probably is a market for feline main characters in outer space, but who knows how big that market really is?

The bright side of it is that you actually garnered some sales, and you can always make improvements.... and then go on to your next book.

Good luck. We all need a bit of that.
 

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There's a book called Method Acting for Writers by Lisa Hall Wilson. I think you would benefit from reading it. You're writing POV is from third-person omniscient. That book will teach you how to write third-person close which is more immediate and compelling.
 

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RedAlert said:
First, what is up with this "ser?" Is this some form of the word, "Sir?" Because, it isn't a typo, and it looks like it is intentional. My eye arrests when I encounter it, because it looks not only like a typo, but also a misuse of the word. Even if you have some stylistic intent, it isn't likely to be taken that way. I just don't know what it is. It looks like an error.
Used in Game of Thrones and in Dragon Age video games.
 

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.

First line in the story needs to start with the dialog line "Feliz Miran, How do you plead?"
Then work all the prior info into the rest of the scene with actions such as: "some forceful statement," he said, pounding on the arm of the high chair. The actions and questions are what draw the reader in. The artful descriptions of the environment can filter in as needed to enhance the danger and risk of the situation.

Your cover image can be fine, but the fonts you use are key and holding the cover back. Dig around Amazon's top 100 listings for your genre and see if you can match the styles of titles, sub-titles, author fonts and placements on the covers you find there. No idea what graphics program you are using, but top selling authors have done a lot with Gimp.org and Inkscape.org open source software.

Edit your book blurb more. "one word describes ... ambition" should be reworked into showing not telling. Reveal how the character has climbed the echelons to greater and greater positions. And perhaps rework the revenge as the last line for a cliff hanger "...he took all these roles because the Empire destroyed his home world. He had been patient. He worked his way to the top of that same Empire's war machine. He alone commanded all the troops. Now Was The Time For Revenge."

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