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Ok -- here's the situation.  I would like to start writing Erotica and I think I'd be pretty darn good at it.  I love writing short stuff in the 3,000 to 10,000 word range and I have a variety of stories from my past that would make excellent material for erotica books.  Ten years ago, before I was married I "got around" a LOT - I slept with just over one hundred women in about a ten year span.  I am not bragging about this, I am not proud of myself -- but the fact is that a large percentage of these were one night stands and I have about 20 stories, that could be awesome with a little tweaking.

Flash forward to today and I am happily married with three kids.  I am loyal, I don't cheat on my wife or look at internet porn.  My past is KEPT in my past.  Yet, I'd like to write some of my stories and publish them under a pen name very soon.  Here's my crazy question...

Let's say I write ten very naughty erotica shorts and publish them under a pen name and I start earning money via direct deposit.  Then lets say some time goes by and I am hit by a truck and killed.  No doubt, the money keeps coming into my account from my books.  WILL my family ever see my pen name and material?  I know most of you are probably thinking "who cares? --- you'd be DEAD"  -- but I don't want my wife and kids reading these books and my family legacy being tainted!  Am I crazy?
 

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anonodrake said:
Ok -- here's the situation. I would like to start writing Erotica and I think I'd be pretty darn good at it. I love writing short stuff in the 3,000 to 10,000 word range and I have a variety of stories from my past that would make excellent material for erotica books. Ten years ago, before I was married I "got around" a LOT - I slept with just over one hundred women in about a ten year span. I am not bragging about this, I am not proud of myself -- but the fact is that a large percentage of these were one night stands and I have about 20 stories, that could be awesome with a little tweaking.

Flash forward to today and I am happily married with three kids. I am loyal, I don't cheat on my wife or look at internet porn. My past is KEPT in my past. Yet, I'd like to write some of my stories and publish them under a pen name very soon. Here's my crazy question...

Let's say I write ten very naughty erotica shorts and publish them under a pen name and I start earning money via direct deposit. Then lets say some time goes by and I am hit by a truck and killed. No doubt, the money keeps coming into my account from my books. WILL my family ever see my pen name and material? I know most of you are probably thinking "who cares? --- you'd be DEAD" -- but I don't want my wife and kids reading these books and my family legacy being tainted! Am I crazy?
Why not discuss it with your wife? After all, you didn't commit adultery. It's something from your past.
 

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If you can't be honest with your wife, I wouldn't open Pandora's box.

My hubby knows what I'm writing. I let him read a bit here and there. He's fine with it as the whole process has some pleasant side effects that benefit him. ;)

M
 

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First, be honest with your wife. If she supports you in this...then consider it together.

Second, what is your long term plan? If you don't tell your wife and you generate an extra 1k a month, how are you going to explain that? If you develop a fan base and they keep asking for more, what then? If this really takes off and it replaces your current income, then what? Will you just walk away?

My wife once went to a writers conference and one of the speakers talked about an author who wrote racy romance and clean romance. She used a pen name for all the racy stuff. Yet the clean romance was her bread and butter. The racy was sort of a fun diversion. Then one day someone figured how the pen name and her were the same and it instantly killed her clean romance readership.
 

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DH & I had a cousin (now deceased) who was a professor of English, very erudite, who wrote highbrow intellectual literary tomes that didn't sell. Then he started to write erotica, published in paperback (this was before the internet) that sold like crazy. He told me he had to get half-drunk to write them...lol.

He was terrified that his 100 year old mother would find out. Well, she did.

And she was thrilled.

"Thank God," she said. "At last Phil (not his name) is making some money."

True story.
 

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I would be honest with your wife. Don't keep it a secret from her. But you also don't have to say these are true stories. You're a writer, and writers write. Writers have good imaginations -- it's what we do. So why would she ever know these are true stories from your past unless you tell her?

And even if you do tell her, why would that really be a problem unless these encounters happened while you were dating her? Everyone has a past. I doubt she expects that you were a virgin before you met her.
 

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Unless you're billing the stories as memoirs, it's fiction. It doesn't matter if they are based on real-life incidents. In other words, all you have to do is tell your wife you have some ideas for erotic stories.
 

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Yeah I wouldn't tell her they are based on real encounters because that would possibly make her feel bad and this not your intent, right? Don't undermine her self esteem in your relationship. (I know this is a bit of a lie, but I think there are lies that help and truth that hurts, depending on your relationship, it may be better to just not talk about the true story aspect.)

But also don't do things in total secret. Unless she's got moral or religious reasons to not like erotica, I doubt she'll have an issue.

I mean, it looks like you can work around the legacy issue so she doesn't know but I wouldn't. It's just not good for a relationship when one partner is keeping things from the other. Just talk to her about it.

M
 

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Just write fiction and you won't have to worry about this. Of course you'll borrow from your own life, but I guarantee that even the best stories could be improved with a dramatic touch. Once it's fiction, who cares?

If your wife has a problem with erotica, that's a different issue that you should resolve.
 

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anonodrake said:
I slept with just over one hundred women in about a ten year span
Geez, that's almost one a month for 10 years. Nowhere near Wilt Chamberlain, for sure, but not too shabby.

While you're at it, you should be writing "The Single Man's Guide to Success with Women"
 

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I don't know whether you should take my advice with a grain of salt because I write erotica about married people who have sex in dumpsters, but here's what I think: if you think that your wife will be upset by the erotica writing, you *have* to talk about it with her. I write with my partner's 100% support. Mine is also 100% fiction, though.

If you write this, start making money, and have to come clean (or, worst case, die unexpectedly), the last thing you want is for the person you love to suffer because you didn't trust the relationship enough to be honest.
 

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IMO, hiding things from your family is more likely to cause damage than a few published books. I write erotica. It's 100% fiction. And my husband knows. I couldn't imagine NOT telling him. I will say this, if I'd tried to hide it from him, he would've become suspicious, wondered why I wouldn't tell him, and he'd probably become distrustful. Why take that chance? I'd tell her you've written some books and would like to get them published and leave it at that.

The issue of not telling her about your past is something else entirely, and it's not my place to go there.
 

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tawnytaylor said:
IMO, hiding things from your family is more likely to cause damage than a few published books. I write erotica. It's 100% fiction. And my husband knows. I couldn't imagine NOT telling him. I will say this, if I'd tried to hide it from him, he would've become suspicious, wondered why I wouldn't tell him, and he'd probably become distrustful. Why take that chance? I'd tell her you've written some books and would like to get them published and leave it at that.

The issue of not telling her about your past is something else entirely, and it's not my place to go there.
^^This. If you can't tell your wife about your past (and I won't pass judgement on that, except to say that I'm sorry you couldn't be honest when you first courted the woman, as trust is so important in a relationship), at least encourage her to get regular pap smears. My aunt had a sex-addicted husband (many partners) and she contracted the virus and cervical cancer from him. Your wife is in a high risk group due to your past behavior. Cervical cancer can take 20-30+ years to develop.

I write sex into my books, and my husband knows. Heck, he's even helped me to write it. One scene we wrote together depicts the first time we had sex. The reenactment for research purposes was the best part ;D
 
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